How my New Year’s resolution found me

I really didn’t give it much thought this year, the last thing on my mind was what I needed to improve in myself during 2012 cause apparently I was going through what most new mothers suffered from last week … Sheer holiday exhaustion! I thought it was depression at first then I started hearing from fellow mommies how last week was emotionally and physically straining, read at least three posts by mommy bloggers describing the same situation, two of which Spoke directly to me Moments of Exhilaration and Life love and Baby. So it just hit me today … I’m not going crazy! Almost all the other mommies I know of felt the same way! Maybe it’s the holidays and the fact that I went out of my way and stayed up on several nights cooking, baking, decorating, and crafting to make sure my precious baby’s first holiday is a special one and stressing about every little thing that didn’t go my way. Somehow I turned into a “Stepford wife” wanna be and strived to get everything perfect which can be extremely stressful cause everything was far from it! Because I’m only human and the goal of unattainable perfection was … Well … Unattainable.
I came back to earth yesterday when my blood pressure spiked for the 2nd night in a row. The last time this happened I was 34 weeks pregnant and was forced on bed rest followed by an emergency C-Section a few days later. My husband and I were very worried last night since we don’t have proper care in Liberia so I did some research on home remedies and that is how my New Years resolution found me:

“Persons suffering from hypertension must get at least eight hours of good sleep, because proper rest is a vital aspect of the treatment.” I’ve been barely getting three or four hours of sleep! ” Most important of all, the patient must avoid over strain, worries, tension, anger, and haste. He or she must develop a calm and cheerful attitude and develop a contented frame of mind “ guilty of all the above! I’ve stressed about the silliest things like my milk supply, getting in shape before my sister’s wedding, are my plants thriving, is the house squeaky clean, all the meals just HAVE to be made from scratch!! I freaked out because I wanted to blog and didn’t get a chance to for a few days, then freaked out again because my blog is still not as organized as I want it to be, stressed about organizing the baby pictures, ordering in his first baby book, designing and printing out the bedtime story I wrote him, stayed up till 3 am one night to finish organizing the guest bedroom in preparation for my mom’s visit (she didn’t even buy a ticket or set a date or even confirm if she is coming at all) … like I said the silliest things to worry about!

So this will be my New Year’s resolution, apparently stress finally got a hold of my body and some changes need to be made, besides I owe it to my amazingly patient hubby and precious baby to be happy and healthy. Happy New Year everyone and to the mothers who blogged about their feelings and their challenges last week thank you for having the courage to share your thoughts they have made a huge difference to me and taught me not to be so hard on myself because the truth is that I’m less than perfect and that’s ok.
P.S. For more information on dealing with hypertension click here

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Have a wonderful holiday!

Orange rays where stroking my baby’s face as he drifted off to sleep this evening. I looked out of the window of my bedroom to the most beautiful tropical Liberian sunset and then gratefully looked back at my baby who seemed so peaceful in my arms after having another tearful day (when will his teething be over I feel so bad for him).

We won’t have snow for his first Christmas, and our only guests for dinner tomorrow (his birthday twin and her parents) had to regrettably cancel at the last-minute, I’m still in PJs from this morning, riots are filling the city so shopping for tomorrows dinner will be postponed till last-minute, hubby is racked out at the sofa (poor thing works too hard and then I hand the baby to him as soon as he walks in the door), and I’m pretty sure Amir’s teething pain will still be with us throughout the holiday (unless he gives mommy a little pearly white for Christmas!)… But somehow with all that is going on I’m pretty content (not taking into account the few pissy remarks that slip out sometimes in a conversation with hubby but that’s normal with sleep deprivation right?)… back to being content … I truly feel happy, tired yes but mostly thankful and very blessed … I am living the happiest days of my life just being here for my baby and enjoying motherhood … I’m glad that I am aware of it and can remind myself of that when things get a bit hectic.

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday even if it doesn’t go according to your plans and I hope you are surrounded by loved ones so they can remind you of the things that are truly worth celebrating … Happy Holidays everyone! have you been checking my Christmas Advent Calendar?

Can I Blame it on Hormones??

Its 3 am and I just finished some must-do errands such as buying diapers online, folding baby’s laundry, preparing Caroline’s (our cleaning lady) to-do-list for tomorrow. I decided to give baby Amir a bottle before I go to bed so he doesn’t wake up 10 mins after I shut my eyes. So as I carry my sleepy baby and admire his angelic face it hits me – he looked grown up not so babyish anymore, his new spiky hair and his big eyelashes his pouty lips… his features are becoming clearer I can actually tell what he is going to look like as he gets older. Suddenly this surge of emotions takes over me! My baby is growing I had to hold back the urge of sobbing loudly. Don’t get me wrong they were happy proud mommy tears but the emotion was so overwhelming that my body started shaking as I tried hard not to wake my baby … What is happening to me? Could it be hormones? Can I actually still get away with blaming it on unbalanced post pregnancy hormones or is it just pure motherhood?